How can I live with so much sadness?

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How many heartbreaks does it take to heal a woman’s soul? I don’t know, lifetimes?

A client once asked: “How do I live with so much sadness. Do I go to work? Do I read a book? Do I exercise? I don’t know how to live.”

I answered. Do any of it. Do all of it. You don’t have to be fake or pretend. Be sad as you read, workout or go to work. Life is not an either/or. It is messy. Life is an and. Learning to hold and express all of your emotions is learning to heal and love yourself. Life is for the living. To feel is to live.

Receiving love can be painful when you are wounded in love. When you first begin to open to love everything but love will come up first. The past wounds, traumas and frozen emotions. Embracing all of this intensity takes radical self-acceptance, loving kindness and a compassionate witness/adult.

You don’t lose your intelligence, talents or self-worth to be sad. Sadness teaches compassion and patience. Sadness allows your inner child to rest in your heart and find nourishment and safety.

At one time I too hated my heartbreak. Which meant I was hating my inner child. I wanted to be tough. I wanted to be a winner, at the top, look good. None of that worked. None of that is true. In the addictive society we live in we are brainwashed to believe winning is true. We get addicted to the win, to looking good, smelling good and feeling good. It is all a cover up. A lie.

My greatest fear in surrendering to my heartbreak was that I would have a mental breakdown. For sure I would  wind up like my mother in a psych ward, or committing suicide like my sister. Neither was true. It brought me home to my innocence, wild nature and creative passion.

Finally, my house of perfection fell apart. I surrendered and waved a white flag. My heartbreak slowed me down, humbled me, silenced my cyclic I am not good enough mantra. I connected my broken heart with the voice and emotions of my inner hurting child. I allowed and received healing.

Heartbreak midwifed my empathic nature to emerge. It taught me how to love myself. It was ego-unenhancing opening to my heartbreak, my needs and vulnerability. I felt shame and judgment. Then slowly, it all turned to a quiet sadness that took me to my grief. Renewal, refuge and radical self-acceptance emerged from my heartbreak. Then I surrendered to humility, the ultimate equalizer of the heart. To be in the world with heartbreak gives you the capacity to speak with truth, wisdom and strength.

My writing, art and healing, my inner life and psyche expanded into a mad brilliance of uncensored expression. My tears nurtured my jumbled nerves, twisted thinking and neglected feelings which flourished into a rich, quaking, yelping, green forest of wild beauty.

There are wise and powerful ways to allow heartbreak to heal. Simple to list and challenging to live. It takes daily practice. Over and Over and Over.

1.    Breathing and grounding your emotional chaos
2.    Slowing down and talking to your body
3.    Awakening your senses. All of them (noticing, receiving and feeling)
4.    Being present with what you are experiencing without judgment
5.    Forgiving yourself and accepting imperfection
6.    Understanding the story in your heartbreak
7.    Having faith in your worthiness. Being curious about what faith means to you
8.    Writing your story of heartbreak (or any creative outlet)
9.    Practicing daily to feel, express and receive


A Woman’s Heartbreak, by Marta Luzim

When a woman’s heart is broken, her soul is lost and her spirit is frozen. Her whole life becomes obsessed with finding her heart. When her heart has been broken to bits, eaten by mad dogs and scientists, at some point when she has no soul to guide her, she becomes tired of searching for the pieces. Exhausted in fact.

Exhaustion is not allowed for a woman. She must get up and do her work to take care of everyone and everything. Exhaustion is not a thing you cure or an illness written in the medical journals. But when a woman becomes exhausted she becomes mean. Hateful in fact if she is not allowed to find a hole to crawl up in and cry from exhaustion.

So she is sent to spas, retreats or insane asylums, or told to have gratitude, or smile or whatever will numb the exhaustion. Finally, her exhaustion is named depression. She is diagnosed as an inconvenience to a world. She becomes a pathology instead of a human being healing.

After all that, she is prescribed Prozac or any other anti-depressant to give her balance. The world pats itself on the back believing their job is done. Now, she can fit in and be happy, Belong in society. A society that really doesn’t want a woman to belong because she is a mirror of everything that is dark, beautiful and wounded in the human race. She reflects the cruel empty hole that lives in the heart of humankind. She symbolizes all of the atrocities that man has to offer. Rape, incest, war, abandonment, hunger, poverty, greed, betrayal and abuse.

There is no greater cry than a woman lost and wandering about with a broken heart. She has no place to rest her weary head. It is a silent suffering cry. A cry other women hear only if they have awakened to their own heartbreak.

Once she starts to cry even Hell fears her wrath. That is why it is shunned with shame, disgust and degradation. No one wants to hear a woman moan, howl and sob. They say she is being a victim, dependent, a child. So she holds it down, back, repressed. Then she morphs into the warrior wolf, sniffing, hunting her prey and howling, I am here. I dare you to touch my heart. I will eat you alive. One day she explodes or becomes crazy with madness, exhaustion, isolation and lays down and dies.

The only way for a woman to find her broken heart is to know that it is broken and feel its ancient pain. The only way to know she even has a heart is to feel the pain of her heartbreak.

Then she will know how lost she is. How forgotten she has become–to herself. A heart that loves with ferocity, vulnerability and with a soulful song that heals.

That is a woman’s story. Her heroine’s journey. To first with fierce devotion love her broken heart with warmth, tenderness and nourishment. Then to offer her heart to the world with strength and vulnerability. Then she can take a deep breath and know she has come home. Then she will belong to herself.

The cry from a woman’s heart is the song of the angels. It is the harmonic homecoming of the universe. Everything after that is grace.

Marta Luzim, MS

Marta Luzim, MS

I have been working with women, families, and couples from every walk of life for over forty years. I have a practice as a Psychospiritual Therapist, with an MS in Counseling Psychology and BS in Education.

I have studied with master teachers of depth and Jungian psychology, Kabbalah, mythology, and mysticism. I am a Next Level Practitioner as a member of NICABM, studying with experts in the field of trauma. I am certified as a Kaizen creative coach, Metaphysician through Lao Russell's Science of the Cosmos training, somatic body worker, emotional intuitive, breath worker, and intimacy trainer under the guidance of Doug and Naomi Moseley.

Maureen Murdock’s Heroine’s Journey, Linda Leonard’s Meeting the Madwoman, Clarissa Estes’ Women Who Run with the Wolves, Savina Teubal’s Sarah the Priestess and Lost Civilizations of the Matriarchs, and Charlotte Kasl’s Women, Sex and Addiction have had major influences on my work with women.

I am an expert in women’s issues, family issues, trauma, abuse, addiction, and recovery. As an artist, writer, and healer I advocate/pioneer work with feminine spiritual and creative processes to evoke women’s voices, visions, and healing. As a teacher, I taught children right hemispheric and creative processes to bring passion, heart, and soul into the learning process.

My signature process, Writing Like A Madwoman™, is a life changing, creative, and emotionally charged healing program. I use story, memoir, and truth telling as the container to evoke your voice, explore trauma and healing through deep, dark and daring writing.

I have written five books: The Calling, Heart of a Woman, Little Book of Consciousness, Conscious Companion, and Cry Kali, Voices From My Soul. I had two staged productions, Breathing Under Water in 2000 and Vows of Love in 2004. In addition, I produced a docudrama Primal Urgency. I've published articles on woman's issues and creativity. I am President and founder of Give Her A Voice, Inc, a 501c3 nonprofit producing multi-media plays called The Telling, showcasing woman’s gutty, gritty stories of recovery from abuse. www.giveheravoice.org Visit her website at www.writinglikeamadwoman.com.
Marta Luzim, MS

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